Games
How to resolve AdBlock issue? 
Mr. Praline: I wish to make a complaint!
Owner: We're closing for lunch.
Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this game what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Owner: Oh yes, Smitten 2...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
Owner: No, no, it's uh,...it's resting.
Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead game when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's resting! Remarkable game, Smitten 2, don't ya think? Beautiful artwork!
Mr. Praline: The artwork don't enter into it (Yes, it is beautiful). It's stone dead.
Owner: Nononono, no, no! It's resting!
Mr. Praline: All right then, if he's resting, I'll wake him up! (pokes game with a stick) 'Ello, Mister Smitten 2! (Takes the 18 cards, sets one aside, deals three to the owner). We'll be working cooperatively with limited information/communication to complete two identical 3×3 grids of cards.
Owner: But you set one card aside.
Mr. Praline: Correct, so we'll really just be trying to place 17 cards with the restriction of the grid, playing orthogonally, and every card power is basically working against you being able to do that. According to the rules, we can say “I want/can play” or “I don't want/can't play.”
Owner: (Looks at cards) I don't want to play.
Mr. Praline: Exactly!
(owner hits the table)
Owner: There, it moved!
Mr. Praline: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the table!
Owner: I never!!
Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!
Owner: Look, it has three different difficulty levels and a solo mode...
Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the game repeatedly) 'ELLO SMITTEN 2!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes the game off of the table and thumps the deck on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
Mr. Praline: Now, that's what I call a dead game.
Owner: No, no.....No, he's stunned!
Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?
Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was waking up! Smitten 2 stuns easily, major.
Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely had enough of this. That game is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of entertainment was due to it being tired and shagged out after entertaining others.
Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
Mr. Praline: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall flat the moment I brought it to the table?
Owner: Smitten 2 prefers keeping on it's back! Remarkable game, Isn't it, squire? Lovely artwork!
Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that game when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason to play it is the visuals and how good the finished grids look.
(pause)
Owner: Well, of course it was beautiful illustrations! They are meant to distract you from realizing the game is kind of dull...I mean, from it going VOOM!
Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this game wouldn't "Voom" if you put four million volts through it! He's bleedin' demised!
Owner: No no! He's a puzzle!
Mr. Praline: Oh, it's a puzzle alright, puzzling why anyone would want to return to it! It's passed on! This game is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet it's maker! It's a stiff! It's bereft of life, It rests in peace! If you hadn't put it back in the box It'd be pushing up the daisies! It's metabolic processes are now history! It's off the twig! It's kicked the bucket, It's shuffled off this mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN DEAD GAME!!
(pause)
Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of Smitten 2.
Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture.
Owner: (pause) I got a slug.
(pause)
Mr. Praline: Pray, is it fun?
Owner: Not really.
(pause)
Mr. Praline: I'll take it.
All hail Monty Python for the inspiration for this review.
Beautiful Artwork doesn't make for an entertaining experience. Even as a 18 card micro-game, Smitten 2 lacks any sort of draw beyond “Well, we finally beat it.” Every power on the cards is actively trying to lead you to defeat, and it smothers any feeling of joy with decisions like “Well, if I do this, it's the least likely action that will cause us lose.”
A review copy of this release was provided by the publisher. Therewillbe.games would like to thank them for their support.
If you enjoyed this review, please consider tipping via My KOFI. All proceeds go to buying more games for review!
